Wednesday, July 25, 2007
I'd like to inform you about an issue that has been trying to burrow itself out of my tightlipped self recently.
I'm happy. I'm not happy with me. I'm happy with someone else. If you're reading this, there's a good chance that that someone else isn't you... so you can stop your worrying.
If you really want for me to be happy, you should give up already on me. Let me be hurt by this person, I need it. Let me find out more about them myself. I don't want to hear anymore about them from you. They make me happy. Let me be happy.
Let me have him.
Let me pursue him.
My daddy recently told me something interesting. He explained to me that if I ever liked a popular guy, I shouldn't go out of my way to try to be his. My Dad told me that that would just end with me being hurt. He suggested that I should just be normal. If something was to be, it'd be because of his fondness of me. So, I'd be desired.
I don't know if it were appropriate, now that I type it out. The way my Daddy put it for me made it seem... better, I guess. Ahh, everything gets jumbled in my head.
I want to go shopping... for stuff. I don't want to buy myself anything anymore.
Posted at 12:19 pm by Strangergirl
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
"All of these lines across my face,
Tell you the story of who I am,
So many stories of where I've been,
And how I got to where I am,
but these stories don't mean anything,
If you've got no one to tell them to,
It's true... that I was made for you."
Whether or not there's someone there, i think that everyone should have a place to have their say. I'm glad that there's things such as blogs. I know that no one really reads this or anything else that I type, but I feel that it's needed. I couldn't hold in much of this information.
And I hope you (whoever you are... if there happens to be someone reading this at this very moment---whether in the distant future or tomorrow) are one of those that are willing to hear the story of one. There's no reason to have a story if there's no one to tell them to (or atleast, no where to type them out).
So here mine goes,
She touched his hand feverishly, slowly fingering his chilled face with the right. He would have kissed it, but he couldn't physically respond. He was paralyzed by her beauty.
They're inevitable beginning took place in the college library. She was dressed as none other than herself for the first time in a while. She didn't really know why, but I'm sure that somewhere in her unconscience, a flickering neon light faded and she no longer set out to be the person that was pittied. In fact, her unconscience refused to let her be rivaled due to her appearance. The change was not yet noticed by her old gang. I thank the heavens that the change hadn't been exposed to her "friends" before the library incident. Her friends would have brought her back to their side of reality. They didn't enjoy her happiness. They saught to distort her perception. I knew.
The morning after their meeting, she awoke to a sharp pain in her side. Something told her that she had been bitten by the LoveBug. Conspicuous as that thought was, .she hovered out of her silk sheets with overflowing joy. She would see him in class.
She braced herself for impact as she landed onto the cold, wooden floors of her dorm. She was enveloped by the penetratingly cold anxiety that surrounded her and her thin silk bedsheet that seemed to caress her body in such a way that it was deemed it was made for her and no one else. She had suspected that she wouldn't have to result in prancing through the halls nude, but unfortunately, her roommate, Candi was apparently absent--- and although it was 5am by the time that Kirsten awoke, was probably stumbling, drunk among the raw, paved roads.
((this is the first time that I've written in a while. For future reference, this story will conclude with a marriage.))
-----created by kirsten osborne/strangergirl. to be further integrated with other blogs of kirsten osborne/strangergirl------
Posted at 12:18 pm by Strangergirl
Monday, July 23, 2007
For The Longest Time; Less or More.
If you know me, please don't read this. Your heart may be crushed and drained of all importance.
Sooo, I finally posted my other blog first! it's all the same information, though... minus or plus a few critical parts. I can re-do the same thing over again, but i can try. Here it goes.
I was ecstatic yesterday after He called me. Yep, He. I capitalize his title because he's so freaking awesome. I was quite surprised, though. I mean, he had explained to me that he would have visitors over and it might be a while before i heard from him again. for the first time in a while, I actually was okay with this. I guess I could say this was because I was PMsed. I'm sort of a little nicer than I am when I'm PMSed. I wouldn't say... nicer... now that I think about it. I'd rather explain it as more "normal."
Sooo, last night, all unexpectantly, he called me! I grabbed the phone and felt my chest warm. Oh, I love a man... in.... phone... crap, forget it. I just love him.
And there I was. And there he was. In the background, I could hear something like the television. "Heey, I'm watching Star Wars." or something was what he said. I was wondering why he called. I mean, I didn't mind (definately,) but WHY if he was already doing something?
The reason jolted my nerves and sent a sweet shiver through my spine. "I called to let you know that I didn't forget."
Ouch. Well, not ouch. More like a boing!. How sweet! How superficially sweet! How... extraordinary.
Well, there's more to say, but I just wanted you all (whoever sees this randomly) to know that i'm very undeserving of even the presence of this man. He should become a pastor or something. Nevermind. I already think he's a Saint (and I'm Jewish, so that must mean SOMETHINg.)
I've got to marry this man.
(hahaha, I wish)
((a loving, but not expressive))
Posted at 09:02 am by Strangergirl
Friday, July 20, 2007
((enter sexy noises here))
It's all good.
Besides that, the biopsy results came back.
CANCER FREE!!! I'm so friggin happy.
Mom isn't SUPA sick!
Posted at 08:47 pm by Strangergirl
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I sorta wanted to keep my mouth quiet... but everyone must hear me out on this: He said it.
Quite surprising, I know, but I heard it with my own ears. I didn't believe it (and still doubt whatever it was I heard), but... it's there. I don't think there's proof. There's no proof. I wish there were proof. I don't need it.
All day, I kept picturing him smiling. I feel like I'm inferior to him! It doesn't piss me off. I'd rather be inferior, but I wish I could just stop being so obvious about it. I can't bring my eyes to meet his anymore.
I've changed for the worse.
((go to my xanga site for more))
(a very excited)
Posted at 02:25 pm by Strangergirl
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
I thought that he had given up on me! I thought that he had forgotten his promise... so, when he called, I was half-asleep, lying in my bed.
Ooo, that's great. And I did something I'll regret later--- I gave him the letter. Woah, am I going to have to hear about this later on!
He's so ^_^.
I forgot to tell him something. I wrote it on my hand last night after my shower so I would remember. I have a problem when it comes to things like that.
It says: thanks for being there. I feel rediculous because I should have told him.
I also found something written down on my computer desk after he left (under the spot where I returned to get the note): You are the most positively inspiring person I've met to this day.
That's a huge regret. I wish I would have told him.
Out of all of the people that I know...ahhh!
I don't know what to say. I feel so passionate when I'm away from him, but as soon as he comes by me, I'm quiet, agitated, and submittive. I wish it were like before. I don't know if it can ever be like before.
T-T I friggin have problems!!!!
I didn't want to sit next to him this entire time. I wanted to jump on his lap and give him a huge hug. I wanted to nestle beside him to have a silent cry on his shoulder.
DAMN IT, girl, get it together!
((oo, something random. I need to call Flor, honey!)))
Posted at 07:06 pm by Strangergirl
Tell me, now. Is it "bad luck" or something more? Can we control these things?
Woe is me.
I know there are many others going through much more than my mother is at the moment, but I feel that this is unfair. Why, she happens to be a very giving person. She happens to love more than anyone I've ever met in my entire 15 years of living.
So, this is why I cry.
I want a new subject.
I had fun at school today. I know that it's a privilege to be enrolled in college at such a young age (and blahddy blah, you know). I should try to act a little more sophisticated sometimes. I should try to refrain from doing the Piggy dance to my first class.... or the Monstrous March.
But... I definately didn't appreciate the fact that someone's watching over me. Although we usually hang out and I gave him an excuse (which he doens't have to find the validity of. He should just accept it), he most likely overheard my conversation and is now less than 6 houses down from me.
If I have a visitor, he will be able to tell.
I don't care anymore. I probbaly won't even have that visitor.
Posted at 12:53 pm by Strangergirl
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Revoltingly Angry (Too Many Asians)
Did that title catch your eyes? It should of.
Anyhoo, today, I was revoltingly angry.
I saw him again today... and >.< it wasn't the same. I mean, it WAS the same, but if you count the same as being what we once had before, it wasn't even close. If you think of it as what we have now, it was... horrible... just like it. I was AGAIN pissed off and he was probably the same old confused guy. I'm horrible.
And then I spoke to him after an hour of being home with my family (they all came by to say "hi"). The desperation washed away, I'm pretty sure. He makes my heart beat a little faster than normal.
A LOT faster than normal. I had just gotten finished talking to Mom about the If's (if it's cancer, if she'll survive, if the pain doesn't go away soon, if we don't have any medicine for her) when he called. Thank gosh he called. As soon as I could escape, I ran into my room, about to cry. I didn't want to do it in front of my parents or my little brother.
He was there for me.
By him just listening to me, I was able to pull myself together and almost completely forget about my problems.
I want to sit and watch the stars with him ((so corny. I've said it before about him)).
No one amounts to anything close anymore. I'm constantly just waiting 'till I see him again.
I'm sort of creepy, I guess. He's my inspiration for half of the things I do now; waking up, taking a shower, dressing before I go in public.
I guess I shouldn't let someone be "in charge" of my life that much. It's too late, though. I'm willing to do anything to change me.
Although he says that I don't have/need to change. ((whatever. i know my faults))
a lustful (loving)
Posted at 11:05 pm by Strangergirl
You know what?! I downloaded this STUPID Billy Joel song because I've heard him sing it before (to me, maybe, not telling you.)
I now realize that although it may be sung by one of the most accomplished artists in the world, it doesn't sound a tad bit as good as it did when "he" sang it.
I'm lonely (sort of).
I mean, I would like to be beside them right now, but I admit to treating them like crap whenever they're around me. My bad.
I just can't help it, though! I can't stand seeing anyone so perfect with such a nice, plastered smile. I have to ruin it! Why am I such a... a... me?!
Ahhh, someone talk to me. I'm entirely TOO lonely and I don't have them to hang out with.
On that word (what word?!), I have to tell you that I wish I were married to this Billy-Joel-wanna-be. Skip the dating. I want them. ^_^
I'm that creepy stalker girl from across the town. I have a thing for you.
I want you just the way you are.
Oh, holy matrimony. Someone... do something before I obsess over my made up hunk.
((wishes he were made-up))
Posted at 04:23 pm by Strangergirl
Uh-oh. It looks like I've started watching Bleach (the anime) again! I'm on episode 94, thanks to YouTube. And you all know that I'm too lazy to come downstairs, right? Get this: I've been watching this crap from my Wii.
It's got a great WiFi connection (along with the 360 and... my computer, I guess) and it's free internet gives me the chills. It's wonderful.
Anyways, speaking of normality... (who said it?)
I just got off the phone with the guy. Really short conversation (albeit not so bad) today. He makes me happy.
Do you want for me to be happy or would you rather me act as if I loved you? Here, I tell you, I'm saying that I'd "act" as well as I could, because I really don't. There's only one person that I feel that way for...
I feel like an idiot sometimes for not saying what needs to be said. My tongue won't form the words. Right before I fall asleep, I always imagine myself mouthing the words to them over the phone... and them actually hearing my voice. I wish it were like this. I wish my voice didn't shake everytime I thought about it.
Ooo, all randomly, yesterday, I was on the Wii and I made some new Wii friends! So far, I have Kudo, Hector, Henry, Shtebben, and Flor (punch me if I'm forgetting someone).
My legs are friggin hairy right now.
(a mentally disorganized)
((a little taste of what's been going on))
Layer One: On The Outside
Name : Stranger.
Birth Date : 8.5.91
Current status : singular.
Eye Colour : dead brown.
Hair Colour : blacketty brown with a left over smidge of blonde (previous dying job)
Righty or Lefty : Ambidextrious. (lol, no, I just like that word. right)
Layer Two : On The Inside
Your Heritage : a Jewish Black-Native American-French-White-Chin
Your Fears : Being the enemy. Not loving. Ending up alone.
Your Weakness : Mood swings. Bright lights. Confusion.
Your Perfect Pizza : Cheese... and roasted tomatoz.
Layer Three : Yesterday, Today , Tomorrow
Your Thoughts First Waking Up : Where is he?
Your Bedtime : 3-4 am.
Your Most Missed Memory : With that guy.
Layer Four : Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : Ew.
McDonald's or Burger King : Ew.
Single or Group Dates : iono. Ask me out on one and I'll tell you.
Adidas or Nike : Ew.
Tea or Nestea : Ew.
Chocolate or Vanilla : Vanilla.
Cappucino or Coffee : Coffee.
Layer Five : Do You..
Smoke : ^_^ no.
Curse : No, only by accident. Like, if I'm playing runescape+talking on the phone, I'll accidentally say some stuff.
Take a shower : only when I'm dirty. ((haha, all the time))
Have a crush : >.< ooh, holy crap, yeah.
Think you've been in love : Methinks right now. Knock me out of it.
Go to school : Double full time. High School++College=dope.
Want to get married : Ah, now I do. Now that I believe there is a One.
Believe in yourself : When my ego gets juiced.
Think you're a health freak : Um, only when I realize how fat I am.
Layer Six : In The Past Month
Drank alcohol : Nope! In a dream, I did... and then, I cried.
Gone to the mall : Actually, no!
Been on stage : Not in the past month...
Eaten sushi : Noo!
Dyed your hair : Ah, I'm becoming boring. No.
Layer Seven : Have You Ever..
Played A Stripping Game : Hahaha...y eah. With my cousin. I'll tell you that story another time.
Changed Who You Were To Fit In : Not to fit in... to feel better about myself. It sort of worked, but now, everyone thinks I'm faking the new me. I like the new me... except the fact that she's just a little depressing/surpressed.
Layer Eight : Age You're Hoping
To Be Married : 25-30 atleast.
Layer Nine : In a Girl/Guy
Best Eye Colour : Brown. If you can make an ordinary color like brown dazzle, then I know that you've got it.
Best Hair Colour : Brown. Black. Blue.
Short Hair or Long Hair : Ooo, sweet.
Layer Ten : What Were You Doing
1 Min Ago : Ahh, smelling a crevice.
1 Hour Ago : Watching Bleach.
4.5 Hours Ago : Waking up.
1 Month Ago : Going to school (again)
1 Year Ago: Faking it.
Layer Eleven : Finish The Sentence
I Love : scoring. (hahaha... in games, of course)
I Feel : raunchy.
I Hate : love.
I Hide : love.
I Miss : love.
I Need : love.
Layer Twelve : Tag Five People
Posted at 03:28 pm by Strangergirl